My husband has 2 kids from a previous relationship and he currently pays court ordered child support for. Which I think is great because he is trying to take care of his kids even though he doesn't get to see them. There are so many states involved in his child support that it is getting very confusing. Every time he gets ready to deploy she takes it back to court to try to get more money. Now they are saying he will be paying over $1000 a month. I don't know how we are going to take care of our 2 kids. 

just saying, this is a toutchy subject.
first off....... did you know he had 2 other children prior to you getting into a relationship with him?
Second,,,,, i think you better not have any more children because his x relationship will always take priority.
She will always be disgruntal and your children are going to have little to no love for their half siblings.
Third ,,,,,,,if your husband cant afford 4 children then he better get out there and moonlight or do whatever it is he has to do to give 4 kids a decent life.
Just my own opinion and i reolize it will be unpopular... 

I feel so sorry for your children that you have forced them into a situation that they had nothing to do with. This is the type of thing that gets my blood boiling and I a hard working person all ym life have to end up paying for bad decisions others make. 

now for the advice........if you do not have an education Get one! You can get a grant from the Army to go to school. Choose a speciality that only takes a few months to finish like nails ....hails are here to stay or hair dresser everyone needs their cht from time to time .
Then when you have something to fall back on ........ go to school again and get a really nice paying job to support your kids. 

Wow I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think they should be taking into account he has 2 other kids and gosh on the little pay that the military get I think 1000/month is outrageous. I am sorry but I don't think it is your fault even if you knew he had to kids doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed the joy of having kids of your own. 

Whoooooaa, meme, yes your right, this is a touchy subject, and I myself, like you, have my opinion (s) and I have that feeling that mine too will not be to well accepted.

I have a really good friend, she married a man that already had children from previous marriage, and between them they had 3 children together. Every year their income tax gets taken away.......EVERY PENNY OF IT, because he is so far behind on child support. It's not that the man didn't pay, he always has, but since he married this lady (my friend) and other children came into the picture, like you said, they've come to their moments where they have had to re-evaluate on "how will they take care of THEIR children they've had together". They've even contemplated on the fact that divorcing might be cheaper in this case. Children cost a lot of money, anyone with children can tell you that and relate somewhat to what you are going through regardless of whether there is an ex or not. This poor man (and I say poor, because I feel sorry for him/the whole family) tries so hard, at times he even has had 3 jobs to make ends meet, but you know what has happened, the ex reports, the courts decide they need to have a hearing to re-calculate child support and whoala! he ends up having to pay more. It sucks, it really does (for your children) because, as meme said, did you know these children existed before you married him? If so, I am sorry, but my advice is to help him out as much as possible (if you want to make your marriage last-because they will eventually turn 18 before yours, thus the end of child support). NO court will ever decide in your favor or give you any slack because you have children together with this man to. Try to better yourself as meme said, that will hurt no one, or at least I hope not. In other words, you'll just have to accept that there where children before yours and that is nothing that you nor I could ever change, and it's definitely not any of their fault.

On different note, I myself come from a divorced family. My parents divorced when I was 8. My father eventually skipped town, left the country and met another woman and re-married. It was like he disappeared off the face of the earth, never heard from him again until I was like 25. From that marriage two other children were born. HE NEVER PAID A DIME OF CHILD SUPPORT. My mom did it all herself, working extra jobs, etc. I would lie if I said that I never felt resentful to my other siblings, I did, because I saw how my mother worked, day in day out, sometimes with little or no sleep. I don't think I ever had "new" clothes growing up, we always wore hand-me-downs. We lived in an old run down house with boarded windows, a door that didn't even shut well, let alone lock up right (it was all my mom could afford rent-wise). I remember that every other week we would have one day where we'd get to splurge and have "meat" as part of our meals. I was so burned out on rice, beans, eggs, vegetables, etc. My mother, brother, and myself slept all in one bed and it was just a mattress that was on the floor. We had no other furniture. We didn't even have a tv for the longest time (that's probably why I don't watch to much of it today, just didn't grow up that way). I was so embarrassed to tell anyone where I lived because I was already made fun of at school for wearing "high waters" all the time and not ever matching. It was sad, and the older I grew, it was hard not to wonder why the other children could have it all, and us nothing? They lived in Mexico, but I got to see his house one time when we went down. It is a huge house, underground, 3 stories. He has a maid for his wife, the daughters went to very expensive schools. Talk about fury. BUT enough of that. Over time, I forgave,and now we have contact with each other, even with my sisters, and the only reason I remember it is to speak of it in terms of like I am now, or when I speak to my children when they get upset that they don't have a play station or a ds and how unfair I am sometimes as a mom. Their dad seldom pays child support (yes I am divorced too); he's not re-married yet, nor does he have other children, but I've prepared for that, just like my mom once did, I've stepped up to the plate. I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I am very capable of supporting my children on my own, without a man, and predict I will have to do so for the rest of my life. I have a college education, but if I EVER became unemployed, you better believe I'd take whatever to get my kids by, even if it meant regressing backwards and going back to being a carhop or waitress like I did in school. No shame there, the money all comes out the same color and spends the same when its payday.

Don't let the past get you down, that's why it's called that. You CANNOT change it. Suck it up, put your big girl panties on and rise to the occasion. After all, you have 2 very important reasons to do so, your children.....

I am sorry if I offended you, just my opinion is all...... Good luck with your situation. 

No offense taken. I did know that he had children from a previous relationship and one of the reasons I love him is that he does take the responsibility to take care of his kids. It just sucks that he has no rights and has to pay $1000 a month. At very least he should at least get to see them. Just irritates me that she always brings this up everytime before he deploys when he is making a little extra money and to where he can't defend himself in court. My kids will be taken care of I can assure you that. I do have a certificate for medical transcription and I am cuurrently going to school for medical coding and billing. But the issue with me working is she will have it brought back up again because I will be making money that she'll want. It's a lose, lose situation. I even told him we might as well live on post so they can't count BAH in the calculations. At least we would have a place to live. 

I am in your boat...My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and we pay 1050 a month...You have a lil bit of a say so...When you go to court you can ask if there is any way that you can say a few words...You might have to get a mediator on your behalf, but you do have a voice...Write down what you want say but be polite...Don't bash the ex at all...and have nothing but concern and purpose when it comes to your family and the kids you made together...Let the judge know that you are trying to help in the home, but can't make ends meet when payin so much...between daycare gas and food it's hard to get it all to come together...You can't go to school if you can't pay for daycare...you can't go to work if you can't pay for daycare...Since you get BAH try to find a place off post that is cheaper...Also ask if there is a way to enforce visitation...Child support is court ordered they should court order the visitation...Good luck to you... 

I will say no more on the subject after this post.

Tish... I completely understand what your saying and agreewith you.

Lisa.......Military dependents have top priority to attend school. And extra money is aloted for daycare as well, You need to research this to see Just-sayings options.

Also with them court ordered to pay so much of their income on child support , they qualify for food stamps and free schooling thru Department od Human Services. Just takes his or her comander to sign off on the paperwork and these can begin working on the same day that the paper work is turned in to DHS.

The USO downtown has $45.00 per week for day care and this is 5 days a week and 8 or 9 hours a day.

There is a world of options out there and all one has to do is look.

We make choices in life that sometimes in our haste are wrong choices.

Since I only knpow one side of the story ,I am sure that i didnt get the story in the full extent, so I will appologise for even commenting in the first place.

Atrue lesson was learned here by myself who made a wrong choice in getting involved.


Just-Saying ...............I wish you all the luck in the world. 

Hi, two cents here.
Have you filed for Injured Spouse?
I have a friend who went through this same situation and she filed for injured spouse since these kids were from a previous marriage and you have rights as his spouse to claim some of his income. Not quite sure how it works but I can tell you this, call a lawyer and ask his/her advice. I have never been turned down before when I call and tell the situation they usually have some advice for me.
Good Luck! 

Thanks for the advice, I'm sure everything will work itself out. @Penelope- The IRS did intercept our taxes and from the knowledge of the child support people they don't know why because my husband was up to date so they are looking into that. I didn't file the injuured spouse thing cause I wanted to help get him caught up but come to find out he wasn't behind so now we wait I guess. In 2009 I worked half a year and didn't hardly make anything so when they intercepted our taxes that time I didn't bother with it either. Currently I am not working I am raising my wonderful babies so I guess I don't really have a say. And we already have a lawyer but there isn't much we can do until he gets back in a yuear from deployment. @Meme- I know that I have many options with daycare, working and such but as of right now we are fine with the money situation and our choices with me being a stay at home mom to our babies. What just irritates me is that he doesn't even get to see his other kids. He is a wonderful dad and I think he deserves that much.

In the 2 years we have been married him and his ex had it arranged that the kids would come visit us for the summers and when time comes something always comes up. I have nothing against his ex (because I don't really know her) other than she won't let him see his kids. I don't bad mouth her over that because maybe she has her reasons but if he is gonna consistently (allotment from his check) pay child support then that tells me that he truly care about them and should get to see them. 

if u end up working, i dont believe ur income has nothing to do with the amount he has to pay. i believe they only go by his and her income. also if they have it legally documented on paperwork with his visitation and she does not oblige, i believe she can be found guilty in contempt of court for not following the court order. i guess the laws are different depending on the state, im not sure but its an all around sticky/stressful/scream at the top of ur lungs experience.

i know its not the principal of paying the child support which as u stated and i have read, he is more than willing to pay the FAIR amount he has to but its the whole idea of her wanting more and more and more...1000.00 a month, id be doing backflips...thats why sometimes women get sterotyped as being money hungry cvnts even the ones that dont hang the dads out to dry 

Each State is Different... 

All I can say is GOOOOD LUCK!! My husband has kids from a previous marriage. The oldest one will turn 20 in October, he is COMPLETELY caught up on his CS(I know this cuz they took our entire income tax check 2 years ago to make sure, plus the little letters that have his balance on them that we get once a month) ANYWAYS, his younger one will be 18 in october, since they are on the same account he is still paying the same amount even though only 1 is under 18. Good luck lady, you & your husband have NO say at all & if you try to have a say they are rude as hell to you when you call!! OH, I almost forgot the BEST PART!! The daughter who will be 18, has NOT lived w/ her mother or recieved ANY money since she was 8yrs old!! The boy also went to live w/ another family member when he was 16yrs old. BUT thier mother still & always has gotten the check!! Gotta love it! 

Lol. Thanks for the outlooks. I'd be happy for someone to give me $1000 a month too lol. I will have to check into the working thing. Cause as of right now they are going by his LES and income tax returns in which 2008 is killing us because we didn't get married until Oct. 2008 but before that I had a very well paying job where I made 35,000 a year so our 2008 tax return shows that we made about 60,000. I don't think they should be able to use what I made before we got married but ya know I have no say. And as for which state, who even knows which one is in control. It started in Missouri because that is where my husband is from, then was transferred to Maryland because that's where her and the kids moved then was transferred to Washington because that's where my husband was living and now I guess Oklahoma is taking over. Meanwhile, the money is still going through Missouri even though they closed the case. So who knows!! Was just wondering if the dad ever gets a break!! 

I have been through both sides. I have kids with someone else and my husband has kids with his ex wife. Child support can only be calculated based on the income of the biological mother and father. Anyone who marries one, their income is not included. If child support is initiated through the state, then basically the non custodial parent is screwed. They don't handle anything but incomes and how to make the non custodial parent pay. The best thing to do is to hire an attorney. Your attorney will represents you and your kids well being. That will include support, visitation, medical and dental benefits, etc. I know an attorney can be expensive, but trust me, it is so worth it! Anytime child support increases, it is usually due to the custodial parent (CP) requesting it. I know that in most states, the CP can only request it if there is an income change of at least 10%. If the CP isn't working, then some states will still base the CP's income on min wage. Other states, have based it on what the CP is capable of making. Just because CP chooses not to work, doesn't mean the non-custodial parent (NCP)should take care of the child/ren 100%. I know there are lots of CPs who try to milk the system or try to get their exes for everything they have. I also know there are NCPs who choose not to take care of their child/ren. I knew my husband had children before I married him and am very proactive in him taking care of the kids financially, as well as physically, emotionally, and mentally. His ex doesn't care for me, for what reason? Who knows? His kids love hanging out with us when we can get them (they live in a different state). My husband is an E7 and doesn't pay $1k a month, he pays less. He is not behind on his child support. He is responsible for medical and dental. Our visitation isn't what we would like it to be, but we will be going back to court to change that soon. My whole opinion, women choose to have kids. If a mom makes a decision to raise them (other than adoption or abortion), then she makes the decision to do whatever it takes to make sure her kid is taken care of. Yeah, it's nice to have fantasies that their father will always be there for them and the children. But unfortunately, that is not always the case. That's why women should be picky about who they decide to have sex with! I can say that now, cause I know better! lol My oldest son, has a good father. He lives in antoher state, but he does what he can to help. He is paying support and owes over $60k in back support. My other pays when he hasn't blown his paycheck on alcohol. My thought process is yes every NCP should pay, but a CP should never count on that income should something happen. I very much believe that if my children's NCP is doing the best they can to take care of them in all ways, then I am happy. I may not get big money in child support, but I am okay with that. I have worked hard all my life to make sure my kids have everything and I always will.

But to get back to your problem, it costs money, but an attorney is best! Also, if you can do an allotment instead of having the state garnish your wages is way bettter. If there is a garnishment, then it most likely will be on your credit report.

Hope some of this helps! 

Each state is different. Some states go on "household" income. Some states go based on what the biological parents make and if the custodial parent makes more then the non cust parent pays less. If there are other children involved, some states take that into account. At any time the payer of support can as the state for a review and they go on current income. If he does this while deployed, they will ask for more. If they are taking deployment income, then it should also stop the extra amount when the deployment stops. It is horrible how all states have different rules, especially when we may move around so much, but the rules go based on where the original case was opened. If she moves she has to petition to have the case moved. My open support case is in MN and it will not change based on where I am stationed with my hubby. It always stays in MN. Check on the rules where the case is active.