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tish 2
Glenna 2

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tish --- 11 years ago -

I have a bf, he is early 30s, we've been together for 5+ years. We live together now. I have two little boys who are the center of my universe, so please understand why I am about to ask what I am going to ask.......How much do you think is too much for him (my bf) to be drinking everyday? I do have a rule for him to not do around kids, so he used to have his own little fridge out in a shed before we moved at old house, and now that we are moved, we are not completely unpacked, etc, to where he'd have that little fridge outside, so this morning when i woke up for example, i was packing lunch for the kiddos, and low and behold there sits his stupid 12 pack with 3 empty cans beside it on the kitchen counter. I was enraged. i hate to be that way, but i don't want that around my kids. some friends tell me they will be exposed to it anyways one day, but i dont feel like it should be by my token or example. i am not making him quit, i know that's harsh, so what are your thoughts on this? 

Glenna --- 11 years ago -

For me, it would depend on how he is when he's drinking. My mom was a depressed drinker and then a mean drunk. I hated living with her, and she was only mean to me. I hated hearing the sound of a can top popping. But 3 doesn't sound like too much. I don't drink beer but I would think 3 would be just enough to get a little buzz. Maybe even nothing for a regular drinker. I can understand why you wouldn't want your kids around it. But maybe trying to hide it isn't the better of the 2 things. If he's not chugging and getting drunk every night then it might teach them that alcohol can be had responsibly. And if you plan to be with him when your kids are teens and he becomes (or has become) a father to them, they might be resentful that you 2 hid it. You definitely don't want to make it taboo, then you run the risk of them being too curious and going behind your back to see what beer is all about since it's viewed as such a horrible and wrong thing. You know how teenagers are. Alcohol is something they will learn about. Whether it's from you or god knows who. If it's no big deal at your house, the more likely it is to be no big deal for them. They will come and ask about it or just not see much of a reason to get into it. And vice versa. That is assuming that he's not a heavy drinker and getting drunk and acting crazy around them.

Don't read that as me supporting him. You have to do what is best for your kids and chances are, you know exactly what that is. In fact, I'm pretty over alcohol at this point in my life. Growing up as the child of an alcoholic, which ultimately destroyed my relationship with my mom, and then 35 months ago to the day a drunk driver killed my best friend. So I guess what I'm for is teaching kids about all the aspects of alcohol and I don't know if that can be done if they think it's not ok to talk about that kind of thing. 

tish --- 11 years ago -

Glenna, THANK YOU so much for your input. As you would already know, I never even thought of it that way. And, to answer your ?, he doesn't get belligerent or anything like that. He usually has one when he does drink at home, and it's after they've gone to bed, or as I stated, when we were at our old house, he'd go outside (I know that is cruel) I don't drink either, but I used to many, many years ago before I had my kids, but now that I have them, it's just not the example I want to set for them, atleast not from me. I can't lie to you, there are days when I just wish I could have one....but I look to them and realize they just have me. Their dad was an alcoholic. That is why I left. That is too long to tell, but in a nut shell, the night I left, that was the first night I had trusted him to watch one of our sons while I went Christmas shopping. When I came back CPS was at our house, the police, etc. Someone had stabbed someone else, he was back in the back room passed out almost drowning in his vomit. There was blood all over my house, it was a horrible incident. My baby, he was found down by the river (we lived out in the country)in a diaper. This happened when it was dark and obviously cold, it was winter. My whole family has history of alcoholism. I guess it just terrifies me to think my boys could somehow fall into that.....

And no, I didn't read into anything about you supporting him, it's just that I like you have had some horrible experiences with alcohol. When my ex-husband and I used to fight about it, his mother would take my side and recall her words (my ex would say she was a broken record playing them all the time to him) "I have never seen anything good come out of getting drunk, so why even do it?" I am sorry to hear about your best friend, that would anger me, just look at the effects it has on me from my past, and we are all ok.....anywho, thanks again for your input, you've helped me open up to another side of it. I was just worried because I've noticed it more now, or maybe I hadn't noticed it before and just more obvious now since he doesn't have his outside "stash fridge". 

Glenna --- 11 years ago -

Well, it's no wonder that you have such problems with alcohol! I've been working to not see alcohol as the bad thing. Kinda like the whole 'guns don't kill people'. As you and I both know first hand it all depends on who is drinking it. 

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